Getting up in the morning a list begins in my head. Who hasn’t done what I want them to? Check, check, check. Mentally, an uncontrollable litany of resentments flows through my mind. I used to try to push them away. My heart knows I really don’t dislike any of that list that flows through my mind but pushing them away makes them louder.
Following what makes me happy is a fine line because accepting the parts I don’t like are rooted in something I don’t perceive as freedom.
The anger and resentment feel like chains sometimes, something to struggle to remove. But, I often sense that those chains are like that Chinese finger trap. The more you work to pull your fingers out the more they stay stuck. And when you stop trying, the rattan finger cage just falls away.
It feels like everything not to do; lean in, let go, unfold, open, and expand. Habit energies say fix, resolve, study, grapple, cling and argue. Loving those habits, those well-worn paths while remaining at a distance from them. Not becoming them but rather loving them.
My rational mind yearns for black and white. Right and wrong. Clear polarities. I have experienced the freedom that exists in color, the unknowing and the loving. As it is. Without a label. There is life magic in the absence of labels. There is peace, and there is freedom in the purity of love.
And there is no external love without internal love.
Love is the light that shines on all the dark corners where stagnate energy lingers, and love is the wind that moves that energy around.